because

i'm going privateeee! (partially at least)

http://city-ofangels.livejournal.com

:)

i) List ten things you want to say to people but you know you never will
ii) Don't say who they are

1. i don't wanna see you this way, i hope you get well soon and i know you will :)
2. i hate you, but at the same time i love you because i know that now you're trying so hard to make things okay for everyone again. its just those things you did that ruined everything, and sadly, they can't be undone. i wish you had another chance too.. but now, even i can't help to pick up the pieces anymore. one thing's for sure, i'll miss you when i finally have to go.
3. i hate your ego, like seriously..
4. i'm really sorry for everything that happened, and thanks for being an awesome friend even during that short span of time. i had the time of my life :)
5. i don't know you anymore, its like we're in 2 separate universes which are irreconciliable. anyhow, i hope you're fine and maybe, just maybe, if you have the time to spare, i'd love to talk to you again :)
6. you make me smile, please stay for awhile noww :)
7. you are the best anyone could ask for, really. i admire you for that immense strength you have in you and thank you for all that you've done for me and the moments you didn't give in just because you love me. i wonder what i'd do without you
8. my wish is that we will all be closer again, just the way we used to be.
9. its been quite awhile, and i still feel weird when i see you around. =/ just really sorry for being the bitch i was.
10. i don't want you to go, not until i know that you'll be alright.

:)

everything sounds so angsty up there, but all the "i love you"s and "thank you"s i wld love to say to the freakz and yl and susan and etc, they don't fit under the category of "what i know i won't say".

OKAY BACK TO ARAB-ISRAELI CONFLICT. tooooodles.

makes me crinkle my nose

managed to study a little with Yi-Lin, Kehui and Amanda today :) Oli left for a movie with Sherie! anyway, i don't usually study with them but it was fun :) its strange how interconnected we all are. i realise we all got to know each other differently but put us altogether you get the same madness and laughter.

beats studying at home anytimeee, though i wasn't exactly very productive, heh!

imma switch to livejournal soon, i like the idea of a custom lock feature!

anyway thank God for angel friends.

and those were the days (:

i'm tired.

and those words got me through the day, y'know? :)

close our eyes, pretend to fly

<3

i'm not sure how i'm going to survive the next couple of months,
neither do i know how i'm going to get past cts,

all i know that my God will make a way for me (:

when the oceans rise and thunders roar,

i've been feeling so jaded ever since school began and its like near end feb now i can't believe i've held on for two whole months. hockey's so so soo freaking tiring i swear. after training i'm always trudging back home, rushing dinner and bye i'm gone into slumberland. then i wake up the next day aching like crap, falling asleep in lessons and what not. how sluggish. now i've resorted to massive amounts of caffeine (like 2 servings a day) to sustain my open eyelids and its not healthyyyy, i know :( i don't think i'm in much of a position to complain since i don't go for SRC training like kim audrey oli and the rest do and hence they probably train like everyday except sunday or something, but still, I AM VERY TIREDDD.

yesterday's service was great. Pastor Prince preached about resting in the Lord and how when we learn how to do so, God will make all our enemies our footstool! did you know God tells us not to fear 365 times in all in the bible - one for each day, and the ONNNLLLYYYY time he said to be afraid is when we are not at rest? :) well anyway, i thought that the sermon was really powerful, and now i need to APPLY it.

i guess i've been struggling alot lately because of physical fatigue, hectic schedules, deadlines etc. but i can testify that God has been good through it all. i just need to let go and let God take over completely and allow His grace to fully manifest in my life :) the recent months saw me growing closer and closer to God and its really been an inexpressible joy. when i wake up each day and feel so damn defeated, He will just lift me up and give me the strength that i need. i used to not feel a thing in sv but now its different because i know its the same God without the drums and lights and whatever else we have in church. its still worship :) i've never felt like this before through my years as a christian, i used to find it difficult to walk with God then i get really guilty and blah, but now its almost effortless.

ahhhhh, i don't ever want to fall away from Him. :)

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm,
Father You are King over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.

thankyou Daddy God